|
Mindless Ramblings of a Spotless Mind
|
|
|
| Oh Lordy, It has been a while. |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|12:52 pm] |
| [ | How I am feeling |
| |  content | ] |
Well I wound up going to Buffalo State. Things are great. It's summer and I think I am finally beginning to experience things slowing down. I feel a bit bored for this post so how about I do all my updates bullet style? Okies.
-My grampa Casey died. in May/08
-Had to go to the funeral and see my dad. That put the "fun" in funeral.
-I got a 3.0 this term
-I moved.
-I got my AA
and I really cant think of much else. |
|
|
| Going Crazy |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|01:22 am] |
I think I am beginning to reach that point being back in NY again where its starting to burn my soul out. Just the stress, bitchy people and the lack of anything is getting to me. Coming back to NY.. I noticed I have changed. I think I am just more colder again. Being in NY you always have to expect that someone is going to be gossiping about you or stabbing you in the back. You have to second guess anything that comes your way that is good here.
I have issues. I am going to possibly miss Halloween if I go back to NCC for the fall. Halloween to me is bigger than Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving combined. I like the artistic freedom I have with creating things on Halloween. GRR.
I wound up calling Alex this weekend. She is as blunt and poinent as ever.
Went to Hamburg and then drove along the coast on RT5. Went to Sturegon Point. Mom and I wound up having ice cream and looking out on the lake.. then it started to pour buckets.
My gramma gave me 3 dollars to play the lotto for her, mom and me for the $23 million. Maybe (yeah, I dream) we will win and I wont have to take out crazy loans.
We have a giant hole, 15x12ft deep in our back yard from the crappy pool that wound up being dug up. I suggested that we should make it into a pond which got shot down in 2 days of casual talk of it due to the expense. So now.. I guess its just staying an ugly derelict pit.. which I am NOT happy with at all. |
|
|
| Gone to look for America.. |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|01:50 am] |
I find it so weird that todays music is so streamlined and uninspired. I believe it was Lester Bangs who said something along the lines that "music, true music that lives in the vast senic wonders or when you're alone listening to your head phones.." I am beginning to like the gritty poppy sounding music of the garage rock/early punk bands of the 70's. And the music itself.. the words.. they were written by someone who didn't really care if they became famous.. they wanted to protest the Vietnam war. It was more about the value and the quality of the message and the music. Music now is just over-produced verbal garbage that spews from the mouths of popstars who have already made their millions. They are now are just jumping on the band-wagon of their latest cause. I feel so weird right now.. like constrasting with the current pop/rap/r&b culture. I am becoming more and more into 70's music. Eh.. oh well. If I am becoming a 70's junkie (mainly) so be it. Can't be all bad. |
|
|
| Hot, hot, headache. |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|05:23 pm] |
Its freaking hot enough to sweat tits off.. or something to that effect. Its 86 out and I feel like taking out the kiddie pool, puttin on my tankini, slathering on spf.. oh about 100.. and getting wet.
My mom promised me that she would help me with the FAFSA and the paperwork this morning.. yeah that didnt happen. |
|
|
| My current most deepest desire.. |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|02:07 am] |
I wish more than anything else that in my future I could marry a guy who would love me and kinda take me away from the crazy lifestyle. I wanna live in a run down Victorian house that we are trying to fix up. I want to sleep with dogs on the bed... maybe one of em is a boston terrier puppy. I see us laying in bed as thunderstorms rage outside and the cutains billow in the window and rain spills in and hits the wood floor as we snuggle. I wanna have tons of relatives and have a huge summer party every year where we have a cook off between me and my guy as to who makes the best food or grills better.. whatever. I even see the wedding a little bit. I am not like most girls though who have already bought brides magazines and picked out dresses. I just see my wedding (if I ever have one) on a beach around late mid-day.. like 4pm-ish. I see me and my husband being barefoot or wearing sandals. It would be so totally casual. Everyone would wear jeans and a nice comfy shirt. Then after we would have the reception right there with a huge beach party under a tent. I would probably change into a white bikini (my dream involves me being thin, deal with it) and just have fun by playing volly ball, laying in the sun with my husband and drinking beer. Then as it got dark there would be a huge bonfire and we would roast marshmellows and just sit back and relax. Thats my dream wedding. Nothing fancy with flowers or a limo or stuff.. just very few frills and more fun. Can't understand how brides now pay $30,000 for just a wedding for one day of their lives. Kinda sick.
I'ma go watch offbeat cinema. nighty night. |
|
|
| Ta Da! |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|01:53 am] |
Poll #749843
My Life Sucks
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 1
Rate How Much Do You Think My Life Sucks?
|
|
|
| I'm Pissed |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|01:06 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | In my neurotic kingdom | ] |
| [ | How I am feeling |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | What I am listening to |
| | The blood boiling in my head from anger | ] |
I am so pissed right now. My mom doesnt even really realize how important filling out certain papers are. I have been asking, nicely, for the past 3 or 4 months for help filling out papers. She doesnt even give a shit to help me fill out my FAFSA either. I am really pissed at her right now. I reamed her out for basically making excuses. Her excuse tonight was that she needed to "clear her head". I am surprised it wasnt her usual "I am so tired" or "I don't feel like it". It's like tough shit, bitch. Get over it. I am asking as your daughter for help that I need badly and yet you leave me here to founder. What a freakin bitch.
Things my mom needs to help me with but is too lazy to do:
-FAFSA (which will only take like 30min tops)
-Fill out paperwork for the DA (which will only take like 15min tops)
-Find a Gyno for my problem (too easy)
Shes just too lazy and it pisses me off. I feel like I have no control over anything right now. She isnt even happy about me wanting to go back to NCC. It just is getting to me... being around someone who isnt there for me. And what pissed me off more was in the discussion about why she hasnt helped me in the past months she brings up that I didnt burn the papers she asked me once to do at 2am or that I didn't do a couple of dishes or do a load of laundry in the past few days. I was so pissed I said something to the effect of "Well at least with your precious papers there isnt college tuition at stake." And EXCUSE ME! I have been freaking out the past few days with stress from applying and wondering if he is going to pay. I THINK I am allowed to accidentally forget about your bloody freaking precious garbage. Whats more is that I got assigned to cooking the steaks outside on the grill which was fine by me. I wound up leaving them on the grill and walking in to watch South Park only to return during commercial breaks. It wasn't even 5 minutes that the steaks were on the grill and I got bitched at that I was letting them burn and that they were going to taste terrible. I wound up going out to find them STILL RAW. Plus every single time she fucks with my cooking she burns it. She even burnt the hot pattes we had like 2 or 3 nights ago when she felt that black = done. I think I have enough carbon in my system, thank you.
I feel like protesting.. I feel like protesting life and all the pissy things I am going through. Yes, thats it.. I will protest life and sit alone and sing Kumbiya and rock back and forth. i am in that drastic "Jess feels stuck and she wants to run far far away and hide" mode. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|02:21 pm] |
Well.. as it turns out... jerkface still needs to pay the outstanding balence at NCC or else I can't get back in. BEAUTIFUL! GREAT! Friggin-a. Why do I have a life like I do? Its a mystery to me. I am so pissed about that.
Air stagnation advisory in effct. Why should I care?
My room is more mothbally smelling then ever.. thats what I get for sccidentally dumping a whole box in my closet a week ago.
On a good note..
I went kayaking at Red House last night. The water was really weird because in one part of the lake it was bath water warm and in the other it was freezing. Plus I am worried a little because there was a massive fish die off. That REALLY shouldnt be happening on a private lake.
My Roxy tote bag came in today. Its SO cute. I have a new favorite summer purse. Yay. It has gold coins, shells, wood beads and stuff on it. Its too cute for words.
Believe it or not I actually found my loft plans from freshman year. I am going through the process of modifying them a little. Its really a pain in the ass because everything has to fit right AND I was basing my loft on sinking in the freshman metal frame. Oy. This is all if I actually get ACCEPTED and the damn bill gets paid. |
|
|
| Incredi-freakin-believe-able |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|08:02 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | How I am feeling |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | What I am listening to |
| | Good Morning America | ] |
Ever get insane butterflies? I have them right now. I am either about to do something so incredibly stupid or so incredibly smart. Today I am calling NCC and going to start the readmission process. I am really freaking out about this. If I get back in I get a second chance at everything that I have lost... if I dont then I know that my destiny is not at NCC. I am gunna call in an hour I believe.. around 9. I am freaking so bad. I havent gotten any sleep at all. I wound up watching pbs and doing yoga in the morning. Just the realization of what today brings semi-negated any peace the yoga brought. I wish more than anything right now that I could be accepted. I think I am gunna faint. *passes our and hits floor* |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
a_deep_desire's journal
depressed
blah
thoughtful
hot
0 (0.0%)